Valkyrie's Empire Omakes
by Azuredragon27
Summary: While cannon to my story Valkyrie's Empire they are mostly random, crude, stupid or just plain insane. So enjoy a good laugh here if the story feel to serious. They are all cannon to the original story. Chapter are not necessarily in chronological order. Pretty much Crack and WTF moments.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

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**Omake 1: Helping Sakaru Capture Sasuke**

Plan #1 GO SEXY!

"Okay look Sakura the first thing need to do is uses your sexy power." Those words came from the mouth of one Naruko Uzumaki.

"Sexy power?" was the very suspicious words one Sakura Haruno.

"Yes sexy power. You see we kunoichis had something that guys will never had and that is our sexyness." said the blond while blowing kiss and winking as if to make a point.

"Yeeeaaah…" Sakura made the word come up especially slow and long because she wanted to make it a point that she was suspicious.

"Look why do I show you eh?"

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Daichu was walking the street when he saw a blond vixen walking to him with a very sensual sway to her hips. When was close she leaned enough for him for to see down her orange kimono she said to his ear…

"Heeeeeelloooo" and the word was stretch in such a way that in was practically dipped in sexual energy. He promptly when flying because of his nose bleed.

'POOFF'

"See, told you. Sexy power" said a grinning blond to a pinket. "Now why don't you try?"

"And why would I?"

"Chicken"

"Yey wait a min-"

"Chicken, Chicken, Chicken, Chicken, Chicken, Chicken, Chicken, Chicken, Chicken,"

"FINE! **SEXY JUTSU!**" screamed Sakura and then turn around to try and seduce the next guy who happened to be Kiba Inuzuka. "Kiba-kun… Come here baby." she said trying to be sexy but for some reason her voice was deeper. Kiba screamed to high hell and ran like a demon was after him; Naruko fell on her ass laughing. "what?"

"YOUR (laughing) YOUR (laughing) YOUR (laughing) YOU'RE A ASS NECKED GUY HAHAHAHAHAHA!" it was true Sakura had turned into a grown up male version of herself… naked.

The milfs attacked.

Sakura ran.

Plan # 2 Innocent Attack

"Look let try the innocent tactic. Meaning act like Hinata-san."

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"S-S-Sasuke-kun c-c-could y-y-you got out with me!"

Sasuke walk right passed her without looking at her. Naruko sneakered and Sakura hit her in the head.

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Plan # 7 Sneak Attack

"JUMP NOW!"

Sakura jump at Sasuke but he end up punching in the face. Naruko snorted and Sakura hit her in the head.

Plan # 28 Back Massage in shower

Sakura hit her in the head for even mentioning it.

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Plan #45 LOVE PUNCH

Sakura ended on her knees after try to punch Sasuke. Naruko laughed her ass off and Sakura hit her in the head.

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Plan #88 THIS IS…!

"Are you sure that this is going to work?" asked a very nervous Sakura that was connected to rope line by a harness. Not to mention she was in a chicken suit in the top of a building overlooking the hot springs were Sasuke was located waiting of "Kakashi".

"Nope"

"What?"

"Because… THIS IS PAYBACK BITHCH!" and so Naruko kick her in the ass and thus making Sakura down the line into Sasuke which in turn made them fall in the hot spring. Naruko's laugh could be heard for miles.


	2. Chapter 2

Omake 2

Reasons why Naruko considers Lady Goxumi equal to Tsunade.

[Example 001]

"MAKER'S BREATHE! MY LEGS!" screamed out one of the farmers as Naruko and two other farmers carried him into Lay Goxumi's hut.

You see the man had been unfortunate enough to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. End result was that a dead three broke and fell on both of his legs thus shattering them. Thankfully one of Naruko's clones had decided to goof off and had been around the area to hear the man's screams.

"Oh my! Did you get hurt sunny?"

"SHUT UP AND FIX ME YOU OLD HAG!"

"Now that won't do…"

For the next three hours ungodly screams and howling of pain where heard from inside the hut. After all, the old woman had decided to use the old method of bending and reattaching the bones of the men with her hands… She didn't use any anesthesia and Naruko saw the whole thing.

[Example 002]

"Old Lady we got a problem!" one of the small boys screamed once her entered the hut.

"What happened deary?"

"One of the hunter got stuck in a bear trap and Ru-Oneechan is afraid to take him out. She said he could loss his leg."

"Then let's go see."

It was a little when they arrive at the part of the forest where the hunters and a 13 year old Naruko where gathered. The old healer instructed the blond to get the man out of the trap which she did. After that the old woman's hands glowed green as they heal the man's leg.

[Example 005]

Lady Goxumi helps deliver all of the babies in the village.

[Example 015]

The old hag is the only person in the whole village that can stop Naruko from running from needles or make her take her medicine.

[Example 020]

One of the boys severed his leg with an axe because he was goofing around. The old hag stick it back together and years later the limb still works.


End file.
